Apparently you make a good broom.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You are the jesus of drinking
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
