No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
