I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
