Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
