Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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