this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
