dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize