I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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