Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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