Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
