i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
