Christians are straight up FREAKS
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
