this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
