I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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