hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
