My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
