So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
