Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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