What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize