Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize