Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He did a backflip because drugs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize