All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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