a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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