I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
