my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
