doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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