So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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