Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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