your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
