but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
