I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
