Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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