I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
