He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.