If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.