Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.