people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to