I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
