omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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