But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
