Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
