i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
