rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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