i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Text me some of your sweat
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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