i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
