I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
