You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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