hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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