You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
