I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
