Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
