I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
