Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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