i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
