I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
sex in a hospital.. check
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