The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and she was petting her beer can
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
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is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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