I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
