Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
