I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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