So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
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i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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