i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
