My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
