where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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