In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
